I’m back! And for my first day back to reality let’s just jump right into wedding talk. Just a couple weeks ago my best friend in the whole world (and cousin) got engaged!!! After a few months of healing from the trauma of my own wedding planning (just kidding…😬), I am back at it with helping her plan her big day. It got me thinking about some of the best advice I got when I started planning and thought I would share that with you.
Today we are talking about one of my favorite topics, BOUNDARIES!! “Boundaries you say? What does boundaries have to do with weddings?” Thank you, Diane, that’s a very good question, let me answer that for you now.
Something I hear often about weddings is “The wedding is for the family and the marriage is for the couple.” But this was not a train I was going to jump on. You only get one wedding and my husband and I wanted it to be the best experience for us. We wanted no regrets and now that it’s done, I can happily say I have little to no regrets. This is why we chose to set boundaries, so let’s talk about what those boundaries were.
For starters, we were having a wedding of about 50 people so this meant we needed to really narrow down our guest list and decide who was most important for us to have there to help us celebrate. This was a point of contention with both of our families because I personally was only inviting people from my side that were an active part in mine and Zacks lives or had made a positive impact on us and/or our relationship, which meant that there were people from my immediate family did not get invited. Everyone is entitled to their emotions and views so I understand why our parents and grandparents had a hard time with our decision. But I am a big advocate for mental health and this is a journey I have been walking for my entire adulthood, so there were family members I didn’t feel were going to make a positive impact on our wedding.
So many times I see couples get pressured into inviting people to their wedding not because they want them to share that moment with them but because of peer pressure. I have seen so many brides and grooms STRESSED to the max because of what their families want for their wedding and that can be something as simple as whether or not you are going to have real flowers. Other things I have heard families butt heads over are- who the flower girl/ring bearer is, what the wedding colors are, who sits at what table and with who, if kids are going to invited to the wedding, or if the wedding will be held in a church.
Whatever the thing is that you feel you want to do at your wedding big or small, set those boundaries early to help shut down people when they try to pressure you into something you don’t want. It is your wedding, the only opinions that matter are of the people who are getting married. I personally would have been very uncomfortable at my wedding if I was pressured into inviting those people. You and your partners feelings are very important, don’t let those get pushed aside.
Everyone says that planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things you will experience and I want to help change that. It should be one of the most amazing experiences and not one that you feel like you need therapy for after the fact.
If you are a family or friend of someone getting married and want to help take some weight off their shoulders, don't let your views of how their wedding should be, be the ant hill you are going to die on. No wedding is the same just as no couple is the same. They are going to do things different than you would and that is okay. Offer assistance in other ways such as making phone calls, supporting them in the decisions they make and remember "No." is a full sentence.
Please comment some ways you created healthy boundaries when you planned your wedding!